Disclaimer: Not Family-Friendly. Disturbing/Explicit content. Babe…you online? Hmm. Sorry, these friends kept me. And? They gone now? Yup. I killed them. It’s just you and me now, love. For selfish reasons, I am sure. Now, come on. Don’t be mean. For you. Always for you. What d’you do with the bodies? For now, I’ve kept…
Burqa Ban: A Family Zoom Fight
Scene: Family call. Participants: Yasin (Male, 26, final year of some management course in unpronounceable city of Netherland, Pantheist) Ahmed (Male, 21, final year engineering in RV college.. Islamic) Manal (or manaltha) (Female, 30+, UAE, Product manager, agnostic) Me/lulutha/itha (Female, 40, India, writer, atheist) Mom/Umma (Female, 60, Islamic) Naji (Male 38, Autistic/Islamic/Piano Player) Dog/Phlip Cats…
AI Broken
My eyes scanned through the job listings on LinkedIn, and then fell upon Nirav absorbed nearby on his laptop. Vivaan meanwhile, ran about in the way of 5-year olds, bumping into things that were anyway out of his way but still making the effort at loud chaos. Nirav’s eyes met mine, and I gave him…
Dear Diary: Shit Poetry
I wrote a poem. I called it Connor. I woke up to a beautiful day. A day beautiful everywhere but inside my mind. Last night, I had seen the water shimmer white, though in nothing more poetic than Chlorofluoro light. The shimmer on the water was still beautiful to behold for my restless sleepless soul….
Dear Diary: Waking Up to a Viral Apocalypse
As i emerge (temporarily) from my Corona-induced breakup haze, i seemed to have missed most of the second season of the India Apocalypse. Season 2 seems to have a wave of international sympathy-mingled outrage at this tragedy of mismanagement. I had quarantined myself from all News until I wandered into chat rooms for the clinically…
Remember Me, (Or else…)
When the call came, I was thinking about death. Specifically by jumping. Leaping, is how I looked at it, from the top of the 13-storied Block D of Abad Ravines. I had surveyed many projects in the city under the pretext of a purchase. This one was perfect because of the surprisingly lax security –…
Unhelpful Representation of Special-Needs People in Malayalam Literature
Despite its high literacy rate and human development index, Kerala struggles with popular regressive and misogynistic opinions bandied about on local tea-stalls and Whatsapp gossip circles. But when bastions of progressive thinking like cinema and literary circles normalize the same, it is perhaps time to pick a bone or two. For a taste of the…
Patient 31
Meanwhile, a pandemic was also spreading in the fictional Jamathi world. Women are wearing their hair loose, moral decay is rampant, and the end of days is imminent.
Killing Marie
A short piece into a writer’s soul as he grieves the death of love in the hunt for art and originality.
The Moon is an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie
Saahil first got seriously on social media because he had heard that Anjali was on it. Anjali was this pretty girl that he knew at work. The kind of girl that he almost never found the courage to talk to. But he wanted to talk to her.
Jai Musca Domestica
Fascinating new research could possibly shed light on one of the most widely debated topics of the Kingdom of Sedonia, the matter of the Housefly. Triggered by outrage of a housefly falling into the flavored drink of the visiting American president at the Sedonian Royal Home, rumors have been widespread of a government-funded extermination of…
When I took an Existential Crap
Last evening, after I took a mistimed crap at work, I came out and suddenly felt existential. I know that is a bit excessive, given that I don’t have a clue about the concept, but I thought it was the thing to be, like being woke and all. Still I had a nagging sense that…
Day 16: Luxury Shopping in the Name of going Plastic-Free
I have realized that in the direst of mental conditions, I reach for my best friends: Amazon and Food Delivery. Turns out they have a different friend: Plastic! Friendly Neighborhood Kiranas for Food Staples Walking up to a mill with my mason jars and gunny bags to fill up on Wheat Powder (5 kilos), Rice…
The Printer
There once was a printer, That made a hell lot of noise, Especially when it printed With gusto, for all the boys. Of course they were other printers, Big and small, That printed quietly, and all day long. But this printer, it printed, with a particularly fine print, In a day, in a month, very…
100 days to Zero-Waste (or Public Shame)
Despite(/Because of) my privileged life and education, I consider myself very environmentally-aware….mostly because my office cafeteria has segregated waste (and 40% of the time I manage to toss my waste in the right bin) But today, when I visited my designer bathroom, I noticed something….terrible…sinister…oh so horrible…. It was the plastic bottles. The bottles were…
Why I cannot be a travel writer (Galgibaga Times)
I don’t fancy myself much the travel writer. I’d probably write one travel piece with much huffing and puffing, and dream of being ‘found’ by Conde Nast, and live that life of traveling the world in their exciting employment. But what if Travel writing is just as boring as Technical writing, but with the added…
Right Ho, Jeevika
It was a fine day, the kind that could bring in even the most bumbling of the male gender, a song in their rhythm-less hearts. So you can only imagine its effect on someone blessed with the energy of feminine creation, for what indeed is greater originality than that of creation of another human being….
LMS Hostel, 1995
The alarm rang with significant fanfare, garnering little enthusiasm and much irritation in the sole listener Jubin, helpless in the next room of the hostel. “Are you getting that?” Jubin shouted. He plummeted his head into his pillow and shut his eyes. In fifteen minutes it would give up its lament, he told himself. The…
The Lost Tooth
She opened her bleary eyes, when the cat, all seven pounds of squirming flesh, climbed onto her belly. Squinting into the sunlight streaming in from the open window, she discovered that she was now the weary possessor of a pounding headache, and at some point, had managed to lose both a tooth and a spouse….
Zombie Zack
Zombie Zack had eaten his girlfriend’s brain, again. Of course, if you look at it, it really wasn’t Zack’s fault. It was almost like Jenna was asking for it. You don’t date a Zombie if you’re the kind that scares easily. Or even worse, gets disgusted. Now that’s just cruel, and impolite. So what if you burp…
How to be a Conversation Bore …for dummies
You are supremely entertaining. Well-read. Funny. A regular laugh riot. But the problem is nobody appreciates it or even worse, knows about it! What to do? Simple. Follow this 10 step guide to hijacking a conversation and establishing yourself as the Alpha-bore. Nobody can out-talk you ever after this! Office is great place to practice…
A Desi One Night Stand
After ten months of self-imposed chastity, I was to go on a date. And my date was late. My rucksack stood in the corner of the room. Its contents bulged from all sides, prostrate like a flaccid dick, awakened only to sit in the corner of my living room, watching sitcom reruns and PG-advised advertisements…
I, Homophobe
The first time was entirely Divya’s fault. And Goutam blamed her for it. He would never have been on that trip if not for Divya. And now, he was paying for it, running out of the bus like a school-kid, holding onto the railings in one hand, his stomach in the other, and on the…
How far will you go to impress someone?
Sam desperately needs to impress Jisha, the pretty girl on the trip. His only opportunity leaves him terrified.
Show Time
Vinu’s mother walked into the room just as he had tried her new lipstick. She was startled. He was startled. She said, “What are you doing with my lipstick? It’s new…I haven’t used it so far. Couldn’t you have waited?” He smiled and handed it back to her. “I forgot to tell you…I am playing…
Pinnochio, the Fairy Tale – (Malabar Version)
Once upon a time, there was a wizened old king by the name of Sultan. In his younger days, he was once the most eligible bachelor/playboy there ever was in the flagrant town of Malabar. He’d reached power through a series of devious plots, and then had been King for the longest, got all the…
A Sibling to Boss Around
Kabir was a fine man, the kind that was loved by everyone in the village, helpful to the poor as he was to the rich. He had only one fault. He loved his children, all four of them. A bit too much. And he would do anything for them. His youngest one, Muhassin, wanted a…
How to Skin a Human Alive….For Dummies
She lay on the plank. With her disgusting nudity. You might think that sort of thing excites me. But no. I am not in it for the screams. Sometimes, you need to do things cos you gotta do it. Expectations were abound. And often times, you did things out of peer pressure. Like skinning someone…
The House by the Hills
Dear Sister, I write this letter in haste, and I pray to Allah it reaches you on time. Amir’s situation is dire, just as before. But what is worse, his wife has left him, taking my precious granddaughter with her. The house seems empty now. Deserted. It is like Allah has smote my son with…
I Hate Love Stories (They just make me cry)
The papers lay on the café table, struggling to escape from under a turmeric-stained coaster. But it was going nowhere, neither of us was letting it free. This time, I had decided that I would try hard not to cry. It must seem silly, these tears. My situation was so much better than his….
The Itch
This itch I swear. It shall be the death of me. I fear sometimes, that it will come with me to the grave. I shall be all of six feet under, my family weeping their goodbyes. And right then, when the angels of death, truly terrifying creatures that we know that they are, their eyes…
My Artsy Dreams
“You think that you change clay. But I think clay changes you” Nowadays, this is the kind of sentence that I repeat a few times a day like it is a medical prescription. This is because I have suddenly become an artist. It happened over the weekend. When I walked by chance into a curious…
Such a Roach
I feel the disgust rise within me. When I see the Roach. It’s there everywhere. This insect. Work, Play, everywhere. The Roach. He looks like me, sometimes. He wants to be like me, I think. He’s trying, it seems, To make something good, For a while. But then I see, He’s a Roach. He prefers…
AI for the Indian Girl
Sowmya is trapped at a wedding. Still single, and aunties ready for attack, can technology save her?
The Lost Tooth
She opened her bleary eyes, when the cat, all seven pounds of squirming flesh, climbed onto her belly. Squinting into the sunlight streaming in from the open window, she discovered that she was now the weary possessor of a pounding headache, and at some point, had managed to lose both a tooth and a spouse….
Welcome to my Pity Party
Do you understand disgust? Self-disgust? Then welcome. Welcome to Amel’s pity party. No, no…we aren’t hiding under fake names. This is her party. Where she has the stage to spit ball and embarass herself. Relieve herself in public. Because why not? Its a free space. You get to flood it with baby pictures and travel…
Why that Bimbo Smart
Bimbo is someone I have often seen at many work places. Of course, she’s Indian, probably Punjabi, I dunno, long black locks of hair, luscious lips, and white skin, the works. The kind of girl who is pretty because she firmly believes it and takes enough selfies to prove it. Obviously, she’s no friend of…
Why Hell is an Alumni Group
So some lame-ass in my college class of 2004 has suddenly decided that it would be an awesome idea to find the phone numbers of 57 other class mates (two dead, may their souls rest in peace away from all social media) and form a WhatsApp group. The poor dear has convinced some of his…
Mr. Skeleton in the Closet
I opened my closet, expecting nothing surprising. Just the same set of mismatched, undersized clothes I picked up hoping I’d grow thin some day without dieting or exercising. What I did not expect, was an anorexic version of a human being. Well, not exactly anorexic, as starved. Not actually starved, as dead. And boney. …
Twenty-Five is a very attractive age
Twenty-five is a very attractive age. Bangalore Society is full of women, who of their own free choice, remained twenty-five for years. Take me for instance. I have been twenty-five ever since I arrived at the age of thirty, which was many years ago now. Frankly, this whole practice of age and its every increasing…
Yakshi (Part 1 of 2)
“I don’t really get your premise. If they were just female vampires, why do your yakshis target just handsome virgin boys. Why not gorge on anyone at all,” said Neha “In fact I could gladly recommend a pervert or two as a midnight snack for the ladies.” “Sexual urges, machi,” replied Nair, the self-appointed expert…
The Crucification of Jack Sparrow
It was when Jack found his hands and legs tied unceremoniously to the gigantic cross, crumbling under its damned weight, sweating in the harsh June sun, that he realized something. He was in trouble, big time. The sentry nearby threw the whip again his sweating body. “Ok, Ok. I’m hoisting up. It ain’t gonna happen…
(Mallu) Bachelors in Bangalore
Nair wasn’t happy that particular day. Today was Vishu, the traditional Kerala new year, and had he been at his home in Kerala today, with his dear mother, he would have been awakened early in the morning and taken to the Puja room, his eyes gently shut by his mother’s loving hands. The aroma of…
The Trials of a Rich Housewife
There are no poor in Manampally…..at least not the type that was poor enough to work for a living. Or perhaps they did not subscribe to the principal of working for a living. Their principal argument against this fundamental expectation was the presence of the umpteen well-to-do gulf returnees in the land, all of who…
Satan in a Pickle
Luc slithered into the garden of Eden, and waited for the length of his body to coil itself behind a bush. Even from the behind the cover of the dense bushes she was beautiful. Perhaps this would be the last time. The last time he ever saw her. Did he have the courage for it?…
Snow white, the militant feminist Arab Activist
When the feminists of Tahirir square declared that Snow White of Poisoned Apple fame was to be the poster girl of the Islamic feminist Arab spring, there was an expectation of a second round of executions to prevent the raging movement that demanded everything from Hijabi beauty contests to robotic male drivers cast in form…
Unhelpful Representation of Special-Needs People in Malayalam Literature
Despite its high literacy rate and human development index, Kerala struggles with popular regressive and misogynistic opinions bandied about on local tea-stalls, Whatsapp gossip circles. But when bastions of progressive thinking like cinema and literary circles normalize the same, it is perhaps time to pick a bone or two. For a taste of the severely…
Amel Rahman 