Why Hell is an Alumni Group

So some lame-ass in my college class of 2004 has suddenly decided that it would be an awesome idea to find the phone numbers of 57 other class mates (two dead, may their souls rest in peace away from all social media) and form a WhatsApp group. The poor dear has convinced some of his…

Mr. Skeleton in the Closet

I opened my closet, expecting nothing surprising.  Just the same set of mismatched, undersized clothes I picked up hoping I’d grow thin some day without dieting or exercising. What I did not expect, was an anorexic version of a human being.   Well, not exactly anorexic, as starved.  Not actually starved, as dead.  And boney. …

Twenty-Five is a very attractive age

Twenty-five is a very attractive age. Bangalore Society is full of women, who of their own free choice, remained twenty-five for years. Take me for instance. I have been twenty-five ever since I arrived at the age of thirty, which was many years ago now. Frankly, this whole practice of age and its every increasing…

Samosa Fairy

Now my mother is always of the opinion, that when I have an impending time crunching situation before me, a bus to catch, a road to cross, a deadline to miss, I have a tendency to pretend that I am in one of those badly made, over-dramatic movies, where everything is in slow motion right…

Yakshi (Part 1 of 2)

“I don’t really get your premise.  If they were just female vampires, why do your yakshis target just handsome virgin boys. Why not gorge on anyone at all,” said Neha “In fact I could gladly recommend a pervert or two as a midnight snack for the ladies.” “Sexual urges, machi,” replied Nair, the self-appointed expert…

What Women Want….on their birthdays

The truth of the matter is that I don’t know what I want for my birthday. The truth of the matter is that I want you to find it out. Dip into my subconscious, read it like a book, and figure it out for me.  Until you do that, I’m going to pretend I actually…

50 Shades of Black and White

Disclaimer: Mild erotic content “So if I do end up sleeping with this guy, can you tell me what would be your psychological analysis of the situation?” said Lena, raising an eyebrow across the table. She watched as Serene’s hair fluttered in the gentle breeze of the fan, as an image flashed before her –…

The Crucification of Jack Sparrow

It was when Jack found his hands and legs tied unceremoniously to the gigantic cross, crumbling under its damned weight, sweating in the harsh June sun, that he realized something. He was in trouble, big time. The sentry nearby threw the whip again his sweating body. “Ok, Ok. I’m hoisting up. It ain’t gonna happen…

(Mallu) Bachelors in Bangalore

Nair wasn’t happy that particular day. Today was Vishu, the traditional Kerala new year, and had he been at his home in Kerala today, with his dear mother, he would have been awakened early in the morning and taken to the Puja⁠ room, his eyes gently shut by his mother’s loving hands. The aroma of…

The Trials of a Rich Housewife

There are no poor in Manampally…..at least not the type that was poor enough to work for a living. Or perhaps they did not subscribe to the principal of working for a living. Their principal argument against this fundamental expectation was the presence of the umpteen well-to-do gulf returnees in the land, all of who…

Satan in a Pickle

Luc slithered into the garden of Eden, and waited for the length of his body to coil itself behind a bush.   Even from the behind the cover of the dense bushes she was beautiful. Perhaps this would be the last time. The last time he ever saw her. Did he have the courage for it?…

Snow white, the militant feminist Arab Activist

When the feminists of Tahirir square declared that Snow White of Poisoned Apple fame was to be the poster girl of the Islamic feminist Arab spring, there was an expectation of a second round of executions to prevent the raging movement that demanded everything from Hijabi beauty contests to robotic male drivers cast in form…

The Public Rape of Salman Khan, and related rape humor

Let me begin with another inappropriate quote from George Carlin “People say you can’t joke about rape.  That rape is not funny.  I say, fuck you….I think it’s hilarious. I can prove it. Picture Porky Pig raping Daisy duck. See? And I know what men are gonna say…Daisy was asking for it.  She was coming…

My Envy – In All Honesty

You know what I can’t stand? Insufferable prick-writers who are probably describing say….an action scene…the two-faced son-of-a-gun who raped your wife and stole your life’s belongings while pretending to be your best friend is on the loose, and you chase him on one of those fancy-named sports cars, with a nine-inch revolver and a backup…