Satan in a Pickle


Luc slithered into the garden of Eden, and waited for the length of his body to coil itself behind a bush.   Even from the behind the cover of the dense bushes she was beautiful. Perhaps this would be the last time. The last time he ever saw her. Did he have the courage for it? He took a long breath, steeling himself. She sat there on the rock by the tree, her hair falling over her nubile breasts, rising and falling with her every breath, staring into nothing. Around her head was a crown of tulips. His own workmanship. He froze the moment into his icy soul, imprinting a mental picture into the mammoth glacier that was his cold dead heart.

He slithered softly to her side and waited, waited for her to catch sight of him, waiting for that smile to light up her soft face. He couldn’t lose his courage this time. What was it now? The fiftieth? It was getting embarrassing. He was turning into quite the laughing stock at the angels counsel. He remembered the taunt in Gabriel’s voice. “Lucifer. This is a serious job. The future of the entire human race depends on it. Perhaps this rebel angel act isn’t your thing.”

Luc steeled himself again, and stared back numbly at Evvah’s face. He had to do it. He had to do it now. For every self respecting devil that was yet to be spawned. For the future of his own race.

“Evvah…..”, his voice was smooth and silvery.  History was being made. He could feel it in the curse of his bones.

“Yes, Luc. Its such a beautiful day.” She sighed. Luc looked around, as if observing the garden for the first time. It was beautiful. But it was heaven. He wouldn’t expect otherwise. Neither should she. She hadn’t even seen otherwise. But that was how she was. Seeing beauty in everything. In eternity. In Eden. Even in him.

“Evvahh….you must take…” he fumbled, the words stuck at his throat. He was betraying her, the one good thing that ever happened to eternity.

“the apple…?”, she completed it for him.   Evvah smiled at his shock. “Oh darling, you are too dramatic. Even for a snake”

“You knew?“ he could hear the stupidity in his own voice. He was turning red. She knew he was to betray him. Why him, why.

“Yes….all along…”, she replied, “Though I was kind of wishing you wouldn’t. ”

“You were…? I am” He paused. What did he want to say? He was sorry. He, the cursed one, the scum of the earth, the prince of darkness, was sorry for betraying a woman. Careful, Lucifer, he told himself. Every word would go down history. Every act. He had a reputation. His sons had to be proud.

“You must take the apple. It will bring you joy.” He pressed, his voice dead and mechanical, as if by rote.

“Joy?”, she laughed, a feverish high pitched titter. “Joy? Don’t mock me, Luc. I’m ok with this. I’m ok with banishment. A lifetime of subjugation. For my sisters and daughters. Gimme the damned apple, and I’ll stuff it down my throat. Anything for you. But what I’m not bloody ok with…is your condescension. You know I love you. And still you mock me?”

“No…my love…” His squawked like a clumsy duck. Fuck. What was he saying. He could almost hear the giggling cherubs. What a sight he was.

He stared hopelessly at his love. He stared as her eyes burst into rains…..and felt the weakness spread into his extremities.   This was definitely not according to plan. He almost called upon the lord. But that was always in vain. The lord had to be everywhere. Everywhere but here.

“Evvah…” he blurted finally, as the storm raged away before him. “I do this for us….”,

“What….?’ She said looking up at him, hope filling her eyes, like a streak of sunlight through the murky clouds.

“After judgement. An eternity together”, he hissed into her ears, “The sinners and the devils. You and your daughters. With me and my sons. “

“Really…” she breathed hard, her red lips close to his own. He could hear her heart beat as hard as his would have if it existed.

“Yes. Yes, my love. Your daughters never learn to resist me. And we rule together…”

“Burning in hell forever”, she laughed hysterically as she completed his words. She completed him, he thought, watching her bite the forbidden fruit.

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