Just Another Terrible Love Story


Let me tell you a story about love. The thing about love is that the lesser number of times you’ve had it, the more of an expert you seem to be. I don’t agree to this. Now, I should be the one to tell this story, cos I’ve fallen in and out of love so many times, to actually know that it’s a fickle thing.

But look at Jisha and Benny. You probably think they got it right. They fell in love when they were fifteen, and then they grew up, got married, set shop, had a few drinks, and then a few kids, almost in that order, cos I don’t think they’d have done all that in their right minds. They had an advantage you know. Its easy to fall in love when you’re like wee small and have no clue about yourself or LOVE or the zillion expectations you ought to to have of your partner.

And I can tell you that love has some strange ideas of existence. For instance, Tiina and Tony. Tiina was a slut. But Tony loved the crap out of her, even when she blew snot through her nose, and was whiny. She was pretty, and he was a really nice guy, I tell you. But Tiina went around being slutty. And why did she do it? She’ll tell you she was searching for love. Cos she fell in love with anything she fucked more than once. Yes, that’s the thing about love. You can search for it even if you’ve found it. And Tiina finally found it again in Jonah.

Jonah was hot, good looking, handsome with baby eyes that made women want to cuddle him and fuck him at the same time. But Jonah had a problem. He could only fall in love with someone who did not pick his calls. Just ignore him for a while, and he would actually turn up at your doorstep with a bunch of roses. Kinda made it hard to actually meet him on a date, but whatever works. But then I remember an advise I gave Tiina, after she fucked our Jonah and fell madly in love with him, but just couldn’t ignore his calls. I told her, girl, if you’ve lost your love, you gotta stop looking for it to find it again. I know that’s a corny advice. It was like , so you lost your keys, and you just decide, that hey…I lost my keys, but I’m not gonna look for my keys…oh no…instead I’m gonna look for my lipstick, cos that’s how I find my keys. Its like trying to feed a stubborn 4-year old by feeding her baby sister and making her jealous. Tiina didn’t get it either. Four year olds just freaked her out. So she’s still calling up Jonah. Who is incidentally behind Stacy, the scatter brain.

Now Stacy didn’t actually mean to ignore Jonah’s calls. She just kept misplacing her phone, and forgetting to check her messages. But that was enough for Jonah to fall madly in love with her. But Stacy was into the soul. And yoga and health food and gypsy trinkets and lot of weird things, all of which Jonah madly embraced in a desperate bit to impress her. I tell you he really worked hard for Stacy. It also helped that Stacy had given up on love and believed that everyone could just love themselves.

But Stacy wasn’t always a scatterbrain, you know. It was after this traumatic incident. No, her lover did not die in a car accident and bleed to death on her white shirt, in the backdrop of a tragic music score. He did something worse. He just dumped her for Tiina. Ya, that’s him. The nice guy who started it all. Tony, the snotty slut lover. What goes around comes around.

Apology:  Expletives overdose to compensate vocabulary failings.

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