I want to be a happy person, I really do

I want to be a happy person,
I really truly do,
Spread joy and happiness,
Love and Positivity,

So one day, I took a knife, and
Drew it up my face,
The upward curve, bright drippy red,

And I walked around, and took a poll,
On what masses thought of it then,
Some thought it fine, a cheery face is good for all,
Others thought it seemed a bit stale,
It needed to come from the heart, they said,
This was bad, I thought it true,
But then who is to say, if I can’t show it too?
So I cut a bit of my chest open,
The heart was flaring,
The blood anew,
Took a vein from within, and held it up with glue.
Now the sight was a bit gruesome,
The girls did a pretty faint,
But then it did the job, it caught the bait,
Soon I was declared happiest of the lot,
Won an award and all,
For spreading joy by the clot,
Soon I was addicted, to the idea of happiness,
Every pain I ate, chewed spat into giddiness,

Joy worn like a crown,
that tore into every frown,
Until every true feeling,
Sank fast and down.

Now I’m sitting here, with a smile on my face,
I’m painting, I think, something poignant and new,
But my brush is sunny, my sky is blue,
I have nothing to say, so a selfie I drew.

More selfies I drew,
Into heaps they grew,
Until some of them leaked, out of paper, and flew,

When the selfies ran, I chased them more,
Until I was tired, passed out, sore.
With the selfies lost, my face was worn,
With no one to see, my joy seemed gone.

Am I smiling for you?
Am I smiling for me?
Or am I just smiling
For everyone just to see?

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