The Public Rape of Salman Khan, and related rape humor


Let me begin with another inappropriate quote from George Carlin “People say you can’t joke about rape.  That rape is not funny.  I say, fuck you….I think it’s hilarious. I can prove it. Picture Porky Pig raping Daisy duck. See? And I know what men are gonna say…Daisy was asking for it.  She was coming onto Porky.  She had tight feathers.  Porky got horny and lost control.  A lot of men talk like that.”

So Salman felt like a raped woman. He feels empathy. Ten points right there.

He got ripped in the boxing ring, his body ached in places he didn’t know could ever feel pain, sobbed like a two-year-old for his mommy as some nonamer Fight-Clubbed him.

He tries to imagine, as per the drug addled capacity of his room-temperate IQ brain….that this was perhaps how a raped woman felt.

The bandwagon of feminazi PC(politically correct) culture police/vigilante have been deployed. The media mob is working itself into a sex-starved frenzy. Social media activists are hashtagging themselves more frequently than they jerk off as they scream digital blue screen of death from the safety of their laptop screens. The media will now have a field day rounding up ten limelight hungry spokespersons: yesteryear boxing heroes, rape victims, ex-rapists, prospective rapists who look eerily like the politician next to him, actors desperate for a shirtless chest-baring cameo role. All to sit mute on another episode of ‘India Wants to Know’ what the heck you are doing on that episode at all when the air time  is entirely dedicated to the TV anchor, a long-time sufferer of verbal diarrhoea,  oversimplified wisdom and terminal hypocrisy,

First off….I request everybody….to get some beer, someone of your preferred gender…and chill…unless you are part of the Salmans’ Sultan movie Ad campaign, a movie name I did not know until the TV screen in my office coffee zone blasted the information into my News-protected, Bollywood-free brain, like a fresh dose of pre-morning-shit coffee….if so, full credits there for awesome marketing.

Now here is a live feed from the home of a Dalit, four-time rape victim from sad village in UP whose case never prime-timed having NOT studied at a fancy Dilli school…..madam….we would like to hear your opinion…do you think comments like Salman khan’s further added to the trauma of your affair, and brings back memories of your personal tragedy….perhaps like a botched up Bollywood movie that you ended up watching, teased solely by the meat in the trailer. (If I ever get famous and stand for the elections and still haven’t said anything stupid enough, please feel free to use this line against me, I’ll leave a hashtag for future reference #futuredirtonme)

Oh! Surprise Surprise. UP girl doesn’t give shit. The social media protection campaign is soothing no one, except perhaps puffed up self-serving egos. Ahh…I care for the raped. I want to protect them. Let me make this facebook post slamming Salman, right after I change my DP. I hated Dabangg anyway.

You know what’s the problem. Plato would give you the answer if you’d ask him. Get some new role models. Stop worshipping actors, and models, and singers, and other TV-whores. According to Plato, society could be designed way better if we were more Spartan and started idolizing philosophers and people at service to the society instead of rich aristocrats and sports celebrities like the Athenians did. It matters who we admire because celebrities influence our outlook and give glamour to flaws in character.

So since when did this category of hormone-ridden beauty queens, who spend more time toning their muscle than reading a book, become experts of rape analogies and rape culture. Do I ask Sachin Tendulkar about his fashion sense? Do I ask the prime minister about his night time skin care routine?

And if I oppose the media frenzy streamed onto my coffee-starved brain, it supposedly means that I CONDONE Salmans rape-encouraging actions, and also that I am perhaps even tempting rape, not just for myself but all the innocent Indian sisters around. Kindly purdah my mouth.

I have a request to all the politically correct robots that speak after ingesting a few volumes of their legal encyclopaedias. Everybody has their biases, opinions, confusions. When a celebrity, stoned or otherwise, stands up and make what seems like a stupid careless mistake…..cornering them down with terror blogs, vile status and DP updates, and public debates, is doing nothing but festering celebrity fear…..and this kind of terrified silence is a sure shot fuel to Right wing fundamentalism of the Trump-Modi kind. Salman Khan neither intended to hurt anybody’s feelings nor was making a statement on any social cause.

Of course, none of this changes the fact that the dude has a social responsibility rating equivalent to that of a stoned American teenage pop star, thinks the solution to homelessness is mowing people down with his Land Cruiser, and hunts endangered species with the merriness of a Nawabi Jeffrey-Baratheon.

Perhaps a better social approach is to correct the famous, when they fall. Give them a break. Do not use them as a martyr for your respective cause. And lastly, discuss serious issues with the dignity they deserve, in the absence of comments made by individuals whose least worked out muscle is their brain.

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