Bimbo is someone I have often seen at many work places. Of course, she’s Indian, probably Punjabi, I dunno, long black locks of hair, luscious lips, and white skin, the works. The kind of girl who is pretty because she firmly believes it and takes enough selfies to prove it. Obviously, she’s no friend of mine. Brrr…..I strictly avoid eye contact when she crosses me in the office walkways, my lips lined with barely concealed disgust. Why? Because she is shallow, has no ambition beyond her clothes and netting a fancy husband, makes as much noise at the workplace as ten pigeons in heat, and seems to be living it up despite my obvious disgust (which she is clearly not registering). Meanwhile, I am dying of an occupational ailment, resulting from chronic insecurity and a need to take work till I get my ass-fucked, and then some more.
So recently, I have started to get a feeling, that perhaps, just perhaps, Bimbo is kinda smart, in a very unique way, and not just in the “can everyone around stop everything for me” sorta way. I decided to launch a full blown investigation into the matter. Here are my findings.
Office Zone D, Day 0
Team is busy with release 49. There are 100 features and 10 workers. Work is divided. Donkey gets 50 features. Bimbo gets two. Because Bimbo is busy. She has other work to do. Like applying nail paint.
Office Zone D, Day 10
Donkey has finished 25 features. Looks like he has forgotten to shower. Bimbo still on feature 1. Because feature is complex. Takes more time. Not like easy features that donkey is lucky to handle. Donkey must realize he is lucky. Everyone tells donkey he is lucky. Manager assigns Playboy to help Bimbo. Playboy has features of his own. Donkey, can you handle those while Playboy helps Bimbo? Playboy goes to help Bimbo. But where is Bimbo? Manager says Bimbo is busy, she is applying moisturizer for fifteenth time that day.
Office Zone D, Day 15
Donkey has finished 30 features. People ask why Donkey is so slow. Manager asks why Donkey so slow. Donkey wonders why he is so slow. He still has 30 more features to go and only 15 more days. He is depressed by his ineffeiciency. He never seems to have energy. Bimbo says maybe he is growing old. Much laughter. Donkey decides it is because he is spending too much time having lunch. Decides to stop eating lunch and cut a few hours from sleep. He finishes 10 more features now. But he seems to have a little pain in his stomach. He can counter it by tying a towel around his stomach while he is working. Bimbo tells him that he needs to meditate.
Bimbo and Playboy haven’t got to fixing complex feature 1, because it is Bimbo’s birthday. So team needs to celebrate. Bimbo’s friend Barbie decides she needs time to decorate Bimbo’s cubicle. So can Donkey please take 10 of her features and finish them too, because Donkey just finished ten more, and must have free time.
Bimbo, Barbie, and Playboy decorate cubicle. Here is file photograph.
Donkey is disturbed by all the noise, and tells everyone to keep quiet. Donkey is named sour puss, because he has no life and doesn’t want others to have it either. Donkey is worried about his remaining 30 features.
Office Zone D, Day 20
Bimbo is depressed and in tears. Manager is concerned. What’s the problem? Bimbo may have to break up with boyfriend. What?? Everyone is concerned now. Tell us what happened, exactly. Bimbo and boyfriend went on date. Bimbo wears sari. Boyfriend doesn’t understand why Sari for simple date. They order food. Bimbo doesn’t want a full meal. Wants to share. Boyfriend doesn’t think sharing is caring. Doesn’t want to share meal. Meal has coconut oil. Boyfriend doesn’t like it. Bimbo loves it. How can coconut oil lover marry a coconut oil hater, Bimbo asks with much tears. But all this is not even the main problem. Main problem, and Bimbo looks embarassed now, Main problem is, boyfriend has taken to wearing sports shoes with formal pants. Bimbo accepts the truth. Boyfriend has no fashion sense. Must break up. Team in tears.
Donkey tells everyone that they still have 50 more features to go, and only 10 more days. Team tells donkey to please shut up. Manager calls Donkey into the room and asks him to correct his attitude. He needs to show sympathy and empathy. He is becoming too cynical. And fat. Also, one more thing. Can he help the team in this crisis? We need to finish features by Day 30. And team is in the midst of so many tragedies. Manager doesn’t know how. Only Donkey can save them now.
Donkey brings pyjamas and toothbrush to office. He has a renewed energy now. He will fight and take the team through.
Office Zone D, Day 30
Bimbo declares she has fixed the feature 1. Team is surprised. They gather around her. Much applause. Selfies. Manager pats her on back and gives her an award. Good job. Bimbo is also surprised with herself. Marks it as an important day in her life. One more selfie for the cubicle.
Bad news. Donkey has gone into coma. People are concerened. Manager informs not to worry. Donkey has finished all features assigned to him. In fact, all 100 features have been completed, and Manager thanks the entire team for great effort even with such resource crunch. And even more good news. Doctor says Donkey will be fine, and will be back for Release 50.
Bimbo and gang go to see Donkey in hospital. They take a selfie.
Donkey advised to change official learning program to include pouting lessons and basic nail paint application skills. A better health program is also advised. Family life not recommended.
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Disclaimer: Some men are Bimbos. Some women are Donkeys. I just don’t let good ‘ol feminism get in the way of writing.
Side Disclaimer: And can people stop taking offense if the blog contents remotely refer to your life? Its just in bad taste, and it lets the world know that thats who you are. Some fictional blog bimbo. It is sad….your life is not limited to my blog. I didn’t create you.